this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
