I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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