The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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