i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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