$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
