ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
