i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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