some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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