I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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