our cab driver is having phone sex.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think my moral compass just broke
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
