the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
honey bunches of taint.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
