kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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