I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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