Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
