I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
