Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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