I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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