I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
