yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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