Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
