We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
