I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
