a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
