dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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