Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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