Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
