maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
