I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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