Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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