Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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