No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
