I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
