Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
