its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
