so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Randomize
