I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
