I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
