she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
