why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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