where am i from again
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
