Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I fill condoms, not promises.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
