i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
