Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So much Jack, so little girl.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
