My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
