I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
