i need an iv and a liver transplant
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
