I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Where is the hickey?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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