i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
