I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They have beer where we have blood.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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