i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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