That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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